The memorial two Saturdays ago was really hard to be at. They exhumed bodies from mass graves and put lime on them and they are now lying in rooms at this place called Murambi where thousands came to hide and were slaughtered. It was a school where the Rwandan students studied military and the French army was there. I felt like I was being disrespectful not looking at each person in there, but it was so hard. I knew I should stop, that I couldn’t take it any more, but I felt like I had to give each person the respect they deserve. I finally broke down and cried my eyes out. There was one little body of probably a two year old and his little shirt was still on his body, but his head was completely crushed in. That was the one that did me in; I just couldn’t understand how you could kill a baby. The form some people’s bodies took showed the way they died and you were able to see huge gashes through skulls, feet that were cut off, legs broken and laying in a way that was not natural, babies without heads. Our security officer was here during the genocide and is now a judge at gachacha and we asked her the other night if people feel remorseful for what they have done, and she stated that she has never seen or heard of anyone showing any remorse for their actions during the genocide. I remembered this while walking through the memorial, so it made it that much harder seeing all the bodies and knowing that those who did this do not feel remorse for what they have done. How can you not feel bad after killing hundreds of people, for slamming babies into walls and crushing their heads?! I am having a hard time with this and hope that I will be able to get past it, but I don’t see any way of understanding this. I know its probably a defense mechanism, that no one can feel okay about taking another life, but to not show it, to stand in front of people’s families and show no emotion for what you did? It makes no sense to me. I don’t think I will ever be able to understand what happened, but I am able to work in this community and love the relationships I am building with people. I was super depressed Saturday, but am feeling a lot better now and realized that I will never be able to understand the genocide, no matter how I try to rationalize it, its just not something that is comprehensible, but I am here, I am loving it and am amazed at how things have improved and how people have gotten past this tragedy and moved to a better place.
One of my teachers named me the other day. Mukobwajana. It means a girl who in order to marry you must give 100 cows. It’s only given to very beautiful girls, or so I’m told. :) We had a really fun night last Monday. The teachers were playing guitar and singing Rwandan songs and dancing. Everyone was having such fun, laughing and cheering. Thursday, I watched Sex and the City with some other trainees and that was fun too!
This past saturday, i went swimming with some friends and a teacher at the hotel in town and it was amazing! We dont get two day weekends, so having something super relaxing and fun is a necessity. We have classes on Saturday mornings, so we only get a day and a half of weekend.
A typical day for me is to wake around 6:30, go to breakfast at 7, language at 8-10, tea break 10-10:30, language 10:30-noon, lunch and break until 2:30, then a tech session from 2:30-4 and then another language class 4-5. After all the class time is done, we usually go play volleyball and/or basketball at the school down the road, then we have dinner at 7. we are free after dinner to do whatever.

Most of week 2

Tuesday the security officer for the US Embassy came to talk to us and give us a briefing on the safety issues in Rwanda and how we can make sure we stay safe. He said Rwanda is like a good house in a bad neighborhood and is the safest African country. But the coolest part is that he is being filmed for a documentary on RSOs (regional safety officers) for the history channel so a film crew from the discovery channel was here and we got to be a part of it! I cant remember at the moment what it is going to be called, but it wont be on for a year or so, so you’re gonna have to remember and record it for me! We had a genocide survivor come and talk to us Wednesday to give us background into what happened, what is currently happening and the feelings surrounding all the different aspects and also a little on how we should act and what we can expect living in communities here. The justice system in Rwanda is amazing and it is part of the reason that it is so safe to be here. People are held accountable for their actions, so there is a lot less crime. Because so many people participated in the genocide, the jails cannot hold them all and they are tried in community courts called gachacha. Community members are the “judges” and bring in neighbors or friends to confess their crimes. Those who confess have a lesser punishment than those who deny. We passed by a jail on the way to Butare from Kigali and saw men in pink and men in orange. Those who wear pink did not confess and those in orange confessed and are serving their jail time. When the orange get out they wear dark blue and do community work like farming for another few years. Their sentence depends on the crime and how involved they were in the killings. Those who gave away hiding places or wrote a list of neighbors to be killed have a lesser punishment than those who actually killed. The man who came was very open and honest with us and allowed us to ask questions that are inappropriate to ask at other times. We have already visited a memorial site with mass graves in Kigali and a national museum in Butare. This Saturday we are going to another mass grave memorial site close to Butare. It’s strange to think about these things while here because while I know its real and it happened, everyone seems so nice and happy. It was only 15 years ago and most survivors and witnesses and perpetrators are still alive and having to live next to each other and go on with life. Many people live next door to someone who killed their family and they have to go on with life. So many were killed by their friends, by their neighbors, by their police and political authorities, but there is nothing to do now but face them and get on with daily activities. The ethnic grouping words are now illegal to say in Rwanda and there are many bumper stickers that I have seen on almost every car saying “Proudly Rwandan” and “Rwanda is Me and You”. It’s amazing to me that people here are going on with life and making Rwanda a wonderful country. It has been praised for its health program, the cleanliness, the government is not corrupt and the justice system is working the way it should. I am so proud to be serving in this country and am so proud of how they have been able to bounce back from such a tragedy.

First Week

So far, things have been going well. I’ve been in Rwanda for one week, but it feels like many. The days are so long usually filled with 3 language classes and a technical training. When I go out to the community I still feel like a stranger and know I havent been here very long. I am learning more and more, but it is still difficult to communicate with people. Tomorrow we get to meet our resource families and I hope that by having a family here in Butare, I will be able to walk through town and not feel like a silly muzungu.

I’ve already had so many amazing experiences. In DC, they had a big party for us where the Rwandan ambassador came and spoke to us and said “you will love walking in Rwanda”. This was a wonderful statement for me, because at the time, everything still seemed so big and unreal and that small statement made me feel so happy and everything became real to me, that I was moving to another country on my own, that I was going to become part of a culture different than mine and that it was going to be amazing and I am going to love it.

Then when we left DC, we had a looong flight to Brussels and then to Kigali. We didn’t get to explore much of Kigali, but from what I saw, it is very clean and its beautiful. Not as developed as Nairobi, but it did have coffee shops with wireless access, a shopping mall, etc. Butare is MUCH smaller without any buildings higher than one story. There is one small “downtown” area that I can walk in 15 minutes. But it has everything that you need; food, clothes, cell phones, hardware stores, music shops, restuarants and bars.
I met my resource family on saturday (I wrote the above a few days ago, but was unable to get onto the internet until now) and they are amazing. the family owns a shop that sells soda, beer, cigarettes, fruits and veggies. they have 3 girls, 2, 6 and 8 and they are so cute. They kept touching my skin and trying to rub off my tattoo. They played with my hair for hours and put dreds and braids in it. resource families are for us to practice our kinyarwanda and to have someone to ask cultural questions to. My family is really nice and i am so happy. My malaria pill makes me a little anxious and dizzy for the first day or two after i take it (its weekly), but i am starting to get used to it. I really love it here and hope everyone can visit. its beautiful and safe and clean!
I am teaching family planning, HIV/AIDS and water and sanitation to my fellow trainees soon. We all have to contribute to training and get practice teaching to others.
I thought of Bicknell today because we were talking about primary health care structure. They asked "what is primary health care?" and my brain automatically spat out "the kind of care most people need most of the time"